Two years ago I wrote a book called THE CANDIDATE’S DAUGHTER. It’s not published yet. I’ll let you know when it is.
THE CANDIDATE’S DAUGHTER, oddly enough, is not about a candidate…or even his daughter…well, maybe it is, in a small way. It’s about a mother who’s never come to terms with her six-year-old disabled child, and when that child is kidnapped, she’s forced to face up to her failures, find forgiveness for herself, and discover the mother/daughter relationship she’s been missing with her child.
This happens over a twenty-four hour period. My own transition from grief-stricken mother to accepting-and-loving-although-occasionally-tearing-hair-out mother didn’t occur quite so rapidly. Or as smoothly.
I spent a good while cycling through the Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression stages of Mr. Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief, before finally striking, and embracing, the Acceptance part. And when I rather flipantly throw in that, ‘a good while’, I’m talking something like twenty-four years stuck in the spin cycle. It’s not a great place to be.
There are times I still don’t get it right. There are times when I look at my life and think, “Am I nuts?” There are times when other people look me and think, “Are you nuts?” but that’s usually for different reasons. People think I’m a saint. People think I have a heart of gold. They’re wrong. I’m mostly like everybody else. I struggle.
So this is why the blog. I learnt a lot of stuff along the way. I learnt how to look at life a little differently. I learnt that other people’s lives aren’t necessarily better than mine just because their thirty-one-year-old is a surgeon and mine is still eating crayons. I learnt that not every bridge has to be crossed at a run. And I learnt, the hard way, that there really is life beyond having a disabled child, and finally, I learnt that yes, happiness is optional. If there’s one person out there that can take something good from this, then my work here is done.
I plan to post here regularly. I won’t be sharing anything personal about my daughter. That’s not my right. She’s a person in her own right. In my blogs, she’ll be known henceforeth, as “the girl”. But I’ll share some of the frustrations, the highlights, the eccentricities and the joys of being the sole carer and mother of a severly disabled girl.
And I hope you’ll join me every now and then.
Thanks for reading.