Under the Influence

Turn around, Crash, you're going the wrong way!

Turn around, Crash, you’re going the wrong way!

I wrote a book called THE CANDIDATE’S DAUGHTER in which I drew inspiration for one of the characters from Pink – not the color, but the singer. Her music, her look, her gutsy no-nonsense attitude inspired many of the traits of one of the female protagonists.

Not all inspirations are as positive. Or as endearing.

The Girl draws inspiration from her favorite music, movie characters, loved ones and acquaintances. Which can make for some interesting interactions.

According to The Girl:

The song You Can Leave Your Hat on refers to the little felt hats worn in the operating theatre just before you go under the anesthetic.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun describes the personal freedom expressed by tipping your coffee all over the breakfast table.

A Telebubby chuckle is the perfect response to the maternal outrage resulting from the coffee-tipping incident.

And an outraged howl scores a 100% success rating in securing a replacement cup of coffee, regardless of the number of threats that have been made to the contrary.

“Help, help, it’s a giant!” not only pays homage to a particularly memorable episode of the Smurfs; but it’s also the perfect way to greet people at the mall.

“Don’t play with steam” and “Don’t play with plastic” have origins that are yet to be defined. But when we find out what those origins are, they’re sure to be interesting.

“Sex!” (from Pat Frikkin’ Benetar’s Stop Using Sex as a Weapon, and The Girl’s single identifiable word from the lyrics) is the ideal thing to shriek while you’re trolling the music shelves at The Warehouse.

“Whoa! Turn around, Crash, you’re going the wrong way!” isn’t just a cool thing to say, it’s also a veiled boast about The Girl’s prowess at Crash Bandicoot on her PlayStation.

“Throwing nappies (diapers),” is clearly a competitive sport played out on most episodes of RugRats, however, regardless of how thrilling it sounds, The Girl has yet to find anyone willing to indulge in the fun with her.

“Don’t speak to your sister like that, Chukker-boy,” is the longest sentence in The Girl’s repertoire, and was learned after repeated viewings of a family video. The time taken getting the words in the correct order and the exact inflection was well worth the effort.

Dora the Explorer’s high-pitched and annoying vocal range can be replicated. For perfect results, however, the speaker must measure under four feet tall and boast a ring number one chromosome.

The Girl has perfected the sound of a cat’s meow, a creaking door, and the sound of the ambulance in an episode of Bananas in Pajamas.

Her almost flawless simulation of dry-retching has been responsible for a number of delightfully horrified looks from startled dinner guests during the main course.

There’s nothing more surprising than an unexpected Whoop! Or more satisfying.

Mimicking people at her program is the greatest compliment she can pay them, as well as being an enormous source of amusement.

“Push X,” fixes everything and was learned while spending an unspecified number of hours playing Playstation. Unfortunately, she never progresses from the first screen regardless of how many times “X” is pushed.
“Yowdy yowdies,” is not only a gratifying war cry, but also refers to a compilation of traditional Maori songs. Don’t even ask.

A Poster (rhyming with foster) refers to an entity of undefined size, shape or origin. The girl regularly makes mention of “Dog posters,” “Jelly posters,” or even “Poster posters” which may, or may not be dual personalities.
Again, if you’re looking for specific influences, don’t ask.

The chorus of INXS’s song Elegantly Wasted has been personalized to, “Oo-oo, Mummy’s Wasted,” and makes for an interesting conversation starter.

When you live in a small world, it’s the small things that really matter.



Filed under The Joy of Living With a Disabled Child, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Under the Influence

  1. I love Pink. Good article.

  2. Kate

    Oh please write a book about experiences with “The Girl”

  3. DM

    A good giggle before I head off to work today, altho we wont be blessed with The Girl or others until next week. I am enjoying the quiet (well the radio is on) but also miss the essence of why I love my job. Yes, The Girl and the other lovelies who brighten my day and make my job better than any other I have had.

  4. catconnor

    No doubt The Girl would’ve enjoyed my coffee spluttering all over my keyboard as I read that post! 🙂 xx

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